Meet Sonder: The Dating App Making Sign-Up Deliberately Difficult — And Users Love It

A Dating App Built From Genuine Frustration

How many times can you read someone's "controversial opinion" that they enjoy pineapple on pizza before losing all faith in modern romance? For the four co-founders of Sonder, the answer was: once too many.

Rather than conducting formal research or running user interviews to identify what was broken about dating apps, the London-based team arrived at their conclusion the old-fashioned way — by living it.

"We didn't learn that people are frustrated through user calls or interviews or any of that," co-founder Mehedi Hassan explained. "We learned that through our own experience — we're just like, this can't be it."

The frustration with dating apps feeling hollow, repetitive, and soul-crushing is hardly a new take. But Hassan, along with co-founders Helen Sun, Lenard Pratt, and Hannah Kin — all in their mid-twenties — decided that identifying the problem wasn't enough. They wanted to actually solve it.

Ditching the Job Application Format

Most dating apps are built around the idea of lowering barriers to entry: quick setup, simple swiping, minimal effort. The logic made sense in the early days, but somewhere along the way, the experience curdled into something that feels less like meeting people and more like scrolling through LinkedIn job postings.

"With the format of existing dating apps, the intention is lowering the barrier to entry and improving access, allowing for introverts to meet a bunch of people easily," co-founder Helen Sun said. "Those intentions were really good at the beginning, but based on the way those apps have evolved, I think it's become a very monotonous thing, and people are suffering from burnout because there's a loss of authenticity."

Sonder's response to this problem is deliberately counterintuitive: make the sign-up process harder, not easier. Profiles on Sonder are entirely unstructured, inviting users to build something closer to a digital mood board or personal collage — think Pinterest meets MySpace (the founders cite MySpace as a key inspiration, despite being too young to have used it during its prime).

The friction is intentional. By refusing to offer AI-generated profile tools or cookie-cutter templates, Sonder ensures that every profile represents real effort from a real person.

"Even though we're probably losing out on hundreds of users, and there's a lot of friction setting up the profile, we want to make sure it's an actual person putting their own effort in," Hassan said. "Because I think that also acts as an indicator of how much effort you're actually interested in putting into your connections."

Real Connections, Real Rooms

Beyond the app itself, Sonder has built a growing calendar of in-person events designed to bring its community together in low-pressure, genuinely interesting settings. Past gatherings have included a "Speed Drawing" session, a "Presentation Night," and the curiously compelling "Performative Male Contest."

Critically, Sonder isn't exclusively a romantic matchmaking platform — it works equally well for people seeking platonic friendships. That dual purpose makes the events feel considerably less predatory than a typical singles mixer.

"We have recurring events, because it's nice when regular people come back," Sun explained. "It's emulating run clubs in some way, where you have this recurring opportunity to meet people, but there is no pressure in that sense that you have to make it work the first time that you see someone."

The run club comparison is apt, though Hassan is quick to note that Sonder isn't trying to replicate them directly.

"I hate running," he admitted. "Not everyone's going to be interested in run clubs. Helen is interested in book clubs, but you could not pay me to go to a book club."

Sonder's events aim to fill the gap between niche hobby meetups — offering something socially engaging without requiring participants to commit to a specific interest or physical activity.

Standing Out in a Crowded Market

Sonder is certainly not the first company to recognize the appeal of in-person connection. Even Tinder — arguably the most archetypal swipe-based dating app in existence — has begun rolling out live experiences. But there's a meaningful difference between an established giant pivoting toward events and a fresh-faced startup building that community from the ground up.

For early-stage apps like Sonder, the lack of brand baggage is actually an advantage. An IRL Tinder event carries the weight of years of cultural associations — most of them unflattering. A Sonder event, by contrast, arrives without preconceptions.

"I think what we're trying to bring back is that magic of bringing people together and meeting someone for the first time," Sun said. "It should be special, rather than feel like swiping through job applications on LinkedIn."

Meanwhile, legacy players like Bumble are leaning into AI-powered dating assistants, and Tinder is reportedly testing a feature that scans users' camera rolls to build a better profile picture. The industry's arms race toward more technology-driven matchmaking is accelerating.

A Thoughtful Approach to AI

Sonder isn't allergic to artificial intelligence — but it is selective about how the technology gets deployed. Hassan's primary role is in product engineering at Granola, a London-based AI note-taking startup that recently secured $125 million in funding at a $1.5 billion valuation. He understands the tools well.

Currently, Sonder uses a large language model to analyze user profiles and surface potentially compatible matches. But the team has drawn a firm line at AI-generated profile content, believing that once a machine starts writing someone's self-presentation, something essential is lost.

"I think at that point, it loses the human touch of it," Hassan said.

The app's 6,500-strong London user base — acquired entirely without paid marketing — appears to share that sentiment, showing a notable wariness toward intrusive or automated features in their dating lives.

Building Something Real, One Event at a Time

Despite the momentum, Sonder remains a passion project for now. None of the four founders work on the app full-time; all of them hold separate day jobs while organizing and hosting events after hours. The startup has not yet secured outside funding.

Hassan hopes that will change soon, with plans to raise capital and transition Sonder into a full-time operation — ideally while keeping the company rooted in London.

"Our life is very tiring for us, to be honest. We work nine to five, then go to host this event at the end of the day," he said. "But the next day, when I actually go through the videos, it's actually really nice to see people smiling so much and having genuine conversations."

In a landscape dominated by algorithmic swiping and performative self-branding, Sonder's bet is a simple one: make people work a little harder to show up, and the connections they make will mean a little more.